just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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