too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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