Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
