Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
