The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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