i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
