i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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