Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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