I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
