Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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