There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
