People in love make me want to vomit
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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