I didn't shave. On purpose
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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