I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
