I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did I show you my penis last night?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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