At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
