Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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