32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
