then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
