After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
