shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
