Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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