you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
