I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
