Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
