If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
