So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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