Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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