As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
