seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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