Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
