I wish my penis had an off switch
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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