Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Panties = found
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
