Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dear god my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
