Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
