Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
