just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
