He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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