So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
