I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
