I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
