I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
