I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just blew my weed a kiss
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
