college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
