I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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