you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
