I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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