absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
