seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
