Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
