i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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