bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
