I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
